They say that the size of expectations matches the size of disappointments. As an artist, I learned that sometimes the best way to deal with expectations is to turn them upside down. Instead of expecting to create something perfect, I deliberately decide to paint an "ugly painting". This is not simply a statement - it's an invitation to play, to experiment, to explore freely. It's a kind of artistic courage exercise, an opportunity to break down the barriers we set for ourselves.
Precisely when I release the expectation of creating something "good", the magic begins. The pressure disappears, the responsibility fades, and what remains is pure playful space. I start experimenting with colors, shapes, textures - purely out of curiosity and creative joy. When there's no expectation to succeed, there's also no fear of failure, and you can simply enjoy the process. The hands move freely on the canvas, colors mix in unexpected ways, and every decision becomes a small adventure.
This happens also when I'm working in front of a camera. The expectation of performing in front of the lens actually liberates me to focus on the playfulness of the process. The awareness of the camera's presence shifts attention away from self-judgment of painting, and the result is a surprising creative freedom. The result no longer concerns me - I'm completely immersed in the enjoyment of the moment, in the dance of brushes on the canvas.
And sometimes, in rare moments of grace, when all expectations completely vanish and playfulness takes over, I find myself in a state of pure flow. As if the creation itself is flowing through me, and I'm just the conduit that allows it to exist. These are the most magical moments - when the process becomes the purpose itself, and every movement on the canvas feels right and precise, as if it had been there forever.
The funny story is that one of those "ugly paintings" received surprising love. When a friend chose it as a gift (even before knowing the story behind it), it was like an additional stamp of the principle that guides me - releasing expectations and surrendering to the creative process are what lead to the most authentic and exciting art. Of course, despite the provocative name and playful approach, if I hadn't been satisfied with the result, I would have continued working on it, wouldn't have declared it a finished painting, and certainly wouldn't have offered it as a gift 😊.
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